kidnutella:

This Champions League final gave me a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Bayern Munich lost the penalty shootout after playing, in my opinion, a better game than Chelsea. But Chelsea are in need for congratulations for doing a great job in what they do best, defend. There’s absolutely nothing wrong…

Things you do after setting your house on fire

1. turn aerosol into a flamethower
2. take a photo of it
3. publicize
4. single handedly keep World News afloat

mission accomplished.

kidnutella:

What does it mean to “have heart”?  I know it usually describes a person whose inspirational and inevitably “good”.  But it’s so vague and when people throw this phrase around it makes me want to cringe.  It’s because they use it so casually without realizing the depth of its meaning.   And partly because I have no idea how to have it.  If you were a medieval knight (as I’m sure there are still some out there), being valiant is part of having heart. “Having heart” also describes a person whose free of possessiveness, empathetic to others, and who thirsts for justice—not vengeance.  Basically a modern superhuman. 

In the modern day it seems almost impossible to define “having heart”.  Not only do you have to be fearless and kind, but you also have to find goodness in a world that itches with corruption.  To top that off, the only references people have are tales, whether biblical, passed down, or fairy to guide them.  We’re always looking for ways to get through life. It’s hard enough to get through it with the least hassle, let alone noble.

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german players should play w/ a shirtless lederhosen.  Mario Gomez almost got it right…gratz to Neuer for having balls of steel.

We’ve all felt the loss of our team.  And the final matches for pretty much all sports, meaning JUST club football leagues, is coming to an end next month. We’re here to remind you that “things can be worse”, before you slip into that deep dark abyss of second place.

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So here we go again! offsidehumor is proud to present an actual written review about the Champions League match of Bayern Munchen vs. Real Madrid.  This will be a different type of review/interview since we have a celebrity guess, courtesy of Jose Mourinho.

Offsidehumor: Oh boy That was one exciting match! I really can’t believe you guys lost!  The beginning of the first half was intense especially on Real Madrid’s side.  You guys pressed the Bavarians for a good 10 minutes.  Once you guys set the pace, I was sure you guys had this match in the bag.  But how did you feel when Ribery scored so suddenly on that corner kick?

Jose Mourinho: If you squint your eyes, you can clearly see he [Ribery] was in an offside position.  This is clearly the ref’s fault that the ball crossed the goal line.  Why did Ribery score?  Ask Uefa.  Was I surprised? Honestly, yes.  Surprised that UEFA wants Barcelona to win.

Mourinho on fouling: “Clearly this match was rigged from the beginning.  Look at this clear card the referee missed.  It’s because they’re all cheering for Barcelona!!”

Offsidehumor:  I don’t see where Barcelona fits into the equation…But the referee did give out cards for players who fouled.  Including Bayern Munchen.

Mourinho on ref giving out cards to Bayern:Eeeeyy….I was just kidding

Offsidehumor:  Erratic reactions are common in big games like this.  Can you explain what was going on in your mind right after Gomez scored in the 90th minute?  Can you explain the photo I’m about to show you:

Jose Mourinho on the photo above:I reacted that way because that goal was also unfair.  Casillas was clearly not ready for that goal, therefore it shouldn’t be allowed.  Here, I will show you my photo:

…..as for my body position…I didn’t get a chance to use the toilet during half-time.

Offsidehumor: Okay…Well during stoppage time, Marcelo once again performed a dirty tackle on Thomas Muller reminiscent of the one against Cesc Fabregas.

Mourinho on Marcelo’s tackle: Marcelo just mistaken Muller as Fabregas thats all.  Let’s be honest, he’s not really the brightest crayon in the box. 

Offsidehumor: So if it was Cesc, that tackle would be okay?

Mourinho: Ehh…next question por favor.

Offsidehumor: Well that’s all the questions I have.  Thanks for the insight.  Oh by the way, Mario Gomez said that they can’t wait to set Madrid on fire for the return leg.  Any comments?

Mourinho: *writes in notepad and smirks*(…Finally something to talk about during the press conference)

…Perdon? Gomez said what?